Going to the Chapel
Dateline: 05/30/97
This is far and away my most important of all the issues that exist today.
A little over two years ago, my other half and I married each other in a traditional Jewish ceremony. The wedding was held in my parent's backyard and was attended by throngs of friends and family. The entertainment was a three piece jazz ensemble courtesy of a co-worker that played Meg Christian's "Leaping Lesbians" as we walked from the back door to the Chuppah set up in the backyard.
We had been living together for almost 4 years when we decided that it was time to get married. Neither of us entered into the relationship expecting anything more than being together for the next 5 minutes. As we lived together longer, we began to make plans for the "next week" then the "next month" and sometimes when feeling extremely reckless, we would even talk about "next year." To suggest that we took marriage seriously would be an understatement.
My spouse isn't Jewish and our initial foray into finding clergy to marry us spanned the scope of both Jewish and Christian traditions (We still plan to renew/repeat our vows before a member of the Christian clergy). Our biggest problem in our attempt to locate a Rabbi to marry us was that I was marrying "out of my faith."
I won't get into the craziness of invitations or catering or finding something to wear, but it was all there.
In other words, the wedding was in whole, totally traditional other than one missing item.
A marriage license.
So, in the eyes of God we're married, but so far as the government is concerned, we're not.
Needless to say, I believe that this is wrong.
Until recently, most marriage statutes did not specify that the participants had to be a man and a woman. However, the landmark case in Hawaii is changing that rapidly. States all over the country are introducing and passing legislation, modifying their statutes to specify that same gender marriages are not to be allowed, and if conducted elsewhere, not to be recognized.
And why not? What harm is there? If I want to marry the woman with whom I'm going to live regardless why should society not support the fact that we intend to spend the rest of our lives together?
Let's take a quick look at some of the most common claims made by the bad guys.
Marriage is designed for procreation - Well, if this is accurate than there are many heterosexual couples who shouldn't be allowed to marry. Couples who are infertile. Couples who plan not to have children. Couples who are too old to reasonably be expected to have children.
Same Gender Marriage is against God's ways - Well, not really. There are many respected scholars who find fault with this premise, and there is also evidence that early Christian marriage ceremonies were exclusively same gender.
It's Just not Right! - Well then, don't do it.
Beyond the fact that I want my marriage to be viewed the same as the marriages of all the male/female couples I know, our inability to have our marriages recognized keeps from us other substantial rights which were detailed in a report regarding the Federal Defense of Marriage Act.. Health insurance. Social Security benefits. Certain pension plan benefits. The list is sadly endless.
Domestic partnerships are just not the same. The responsibilities and rights provided are minimal. No domestic partnership plan provides the same sort of responsibilities, benefits and protections that marriage does. Nobody suggests to a man and a woman that they don't "need" marriage, and should be happy with a "Domestic Partnership."
Legal documents are only a partial solution. They take time and money to confer benefits that a man and a woman would obtain automatically. And a legal document can always be challenged.
It's true that not all gays and lesbians feel as strongly about the Right to Marry as I do. There are many who would say, "Who needs it? We're just mimicking heterosexuals!" Or, "Let's just take Domestic Partnerships. We don't want to upset people."
Well, I'm sorry, I'm going to upset people until I have the right to have my marriage recognized by the government. It's the Right to Marry that I'm fighting for - I won't force those who choose not to marry to get married. All I ask in return is for those who choose not to marry to refrain from conspiring with those who are working to restrict my right to do so.
There's a lot more, and we'll be keeping an eye on Hawaii and other locales as events dictate.
Don't forget to let me know what YOU would like to hear about!
In Pride,
Deborah
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