Divided Families?
Dateline: 07/11/97
There are many issues we deal with on a daily basis along with issues of national and world-wide importance. Some of the issues might not affect us personally, but the fact that they exist as issues impacts each and every one of us.
I've seen a lot of online ads recently for a place called Gaynet. I thought, "Okay, that's nice. We need another repository for all that is good and gay. We don't want Planet Out getting too smug, after all."
Good and gay.
Affirming.
Positive.
Yes, there's bad news, but there's also a lot of daily news that is good. Even while we examine the negatives, and fight to reduce the number of negatives, we should never forget the positives.
Where was I? Oh yes....
So, last week while I was hunting down some story or another, I came upon a "weekly question" at Gaynet. The question was very straightforward:
Are you spending this holiday weekend with your biological family or your gay family?
Biological Family (parents, etc.)
Gay Family (friends, partners, etc.)
One was required to pick from amongst the two answers.
I think my screech was heard across continent.
You see, I spent the holiday weekend with gay/lesbian friends, straight friends, my parents, my aunts and uncles, my brother and his wife and my niece and my spouse and our son. All at the same time.
I wasn't aware that this was impossible until I saw that I wasn't given that option in response to the question.
What is positive and empowering about suggesting that we cannot mix all the various components of our lives?
I know when T and I were planning our wedding we laughed because of the diversity of our invitees. Her family. My family. People from my work. People from her work. Gay friends. Lesbian friends. Friends whose orientation we didn't know. The Bridge crowd.
How can we hope to achieve total equality, where orientation becomes nothing more than another characteristic, if we ourselves are going to assume that we must segregate our "gay" lives from our "straight" lives? If we are going to assume that we must separate our "gay" friends from our "straight" friends? If we are going to divide our families up into "gay" families and "straight" families?
I'll answer my own question: We're not.
Before some of you write to me telling me your tales of how you are forced to keep all those various parts of your lives separate...
Stop and think about whether that is by your choice. If it's not by your choice, then work on changing it.
Stop and think about whether it's something you do because you think it's expected. Perhaps it's not expected. Have a small gathering where you "mix" various elements of your life.
Who knows... everybody might enjoy themselves.
In pride,
Deborah
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