It's Only Words
Queer Dyke Fag Butch Queen
Do any of the above words offend you?
Personally, I find the context of most words to be the dispositive factor as to whether I am offended, but not everybody agrees with me.
Take the word Queer for example. Several weeks ago I selected a Net Find that excited me a lot. Instead of typing out g - a - y - a - n - d - l - e - s - b - i - a - n I chose to use what, for me, was a shorthand. Queer. The folks to whom I was linking to have a major objection to the use of the word Queer and they wrote me and asked me to change it. They pointed me to their article describing why they don't like the word. Being the kind soul I am, I changed the title of the link so as not to offend them, even though I disagree with them.
The primary difference, I think, between their philosophy and mine is that they look at the dictionary definition of the word whereas I look at the way we use the word. Many GLBT organizations have made the word a part of their name. Queer-O-Rama, Queer Music Review, Queer Nasty, and the late, lamented, Queer Nation along with many, many more. (I could go on, but I think you've gotten the point).
Frankly, I doubt that any of these organizations used the word Queer to mean "unusual or abnormal" or the alternate "worthless or counterfeit." I do believe it's a matter of reclaiming a word that has been used derisively and making it ours.
And don't ask me why I can't just use the word "gay." Okay, go ahead and ask. I can't use the word "gay" because invariably I hear "man" right after it. I know, Ellen prefers the word "gay" to the word "lesbian" and so she told the entire world who watched her being interviewed by Diane Sawyer but it just doesn't work for me. Part of that, I think, was being aware of the struggle at the Los Angeles Gay Community Services Center to become the Gay and Lesbian Community Services Center. The women felt that men had co-opted the word "gay" and I'm not sure I disagree with them.
What's ironic about the situation is that I started out very uncomfortable with the word "lesbian." I think my mother said it before I did. Then I took a women's studies class where the teacher regaled us with 5 minutes of her saying the word "lesbian" in order to inure the entire class to the word and concept (contrary to popular belief the class was not filled exclusively with lesbians, or even women). I got over it, and "lesbian" was my word of choice me until I, along with many others, decided to take back the word "queer." Now I use that both for myself and for the generic inclusive.
I must say, as I get older, I've begun to use whatever word flows at the time.
I haven't seen this (reclaiming) happen as clearly with the word Fag, but it's slowly starting. More and more I see people joining a group online and saying, "Hey fags!" and they aren't bashers, they're greeting equals with their term of choice.
How about the word Dyke? Now you men probably wouldn't use it, but how many women do? Traditionally a dyke was a masculine lesbian. The aggressor in the relationship or courting. Very similar to the word Butch which encompasses both men and women. For men however the word tends to mean acting as society would expect them to act - for women it means acting in a non-female way.
Some women consider themselves femme, or "lipstick lesbians." All that means, in general, is that they are more "traditional" type women, who happen to choose other women as their partners. For men the equivalent is generally "queen." For both genders the traits are associated with traditional feminity - and in the gay community both queens and femmes are often reviled.
One of the mailing lists I subscribe to received an interesting letter the other day - a woman wrote that she and her partner do not call themselves lesbians but rather one of them is a butch and the other a femme.
I have to admit that I don't understand the need for the distinction.
All in all we're certainly entitled to use the words we choose to describe ourselves. After all, the right be be ourselves is one of the most basic rights we are seeking.
Before you leave this week, take a look at the guest article written by David Riley about his personal experiences with the Episcopal Church and his attendance at their recent General Convention.
In pride,
Deborah
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