Protecting Ourselves Legally
Dateline: 1/02/98
In a former life I used to practice law.
As part of my practice I always made myself available to offer advice to GLBT individuals and couples at no charge. I found it repugnant that so many people couldn't even find out what their rights were (or in most cases weren't) without having to spend money to do so (I still do, but am no longer able to provide legal advice).
One of the things I stressed to my visitors was "preventative preparation" - taking steps to ensure that they wouldn't run into trouble in the future.
I had a file that was literally 3 feet of paperwork that I would point at when a couple would enter my office wanting to have wills drafted.
"Do you have a Living Together Agreement?" I would ask.
When they said "No" I would point to the file and say, "This is what you're looking at if you don't. If you were a man and a woman, and married, and chose to divorce, there are books filled with laws that dictate how your assets and liabilities will be divided. Because you're not in a legally recognized marriage, there's no set of rules waiting for you - and it may cost you years and way too much money to divide what you've gathered together."
My theory was that, as much as people don't like to think about it, any relationship might one day end. The time to decide how you're going to split things up isn't when you're hurting about the end of the relationship, but when you're happy and in love, and are most likely to be mentally positioned to want to be fair with each other.
A simple, written statement, signed by both of you should do it. Decide in advance how you'll make decisions about those things you don't plan for in the agreement or won't be able to agree about. I'd suggest staying away from lists stating "this is mine, that's yours" but rather state methods by which to divide the items you own.
Things to think about include:
- Is it important that one of you contributes more income to the relationship?
- If one of you owns the residence you're living in, but you're both contributing to the payments and upkeep, how will the non-owner be compensated in a break-up?
- Do you have a way to determine what each of you brought into the relationship? Do you get all that "back?" (If you both had a regrigerator and you gave the "extra" one away, how do you decide who gets the fridge and how the other person is "compensated?")
- Are the things that you buy together "both of yours" or are some yours and other theirs?
Then, because every area is different, find an attorney who will review your agreement, and ask them whether it will be considered binding by a court should you split and disagree over how (then) to divide your assets.
Speaking of wills, do you have one?
In most states if you don't, your family is going to get everything you have. Do you have friends who should get your car? A lover who should get your house? Somebody special who should get your artwork? Again, rules vary from state to state, but you need to have a will to ensure that if something happens to you, what you own is passed on to those you want to get it.
Recently a friend who was half of a couple passed away after a long illness. Immediately his relatives swooped into the house he had shared with his partner and started taking things they were "sure he would have wanted them to have." Except he didn't. There were things he wanted to go to friends, and other things he wanted to go to his partner. He certainly didn't want his partner evicted from the home they had shared together.
Don't let this happen. None of us plan to die, but each of us could walk out onto the street and be hit by a car. It happens.
Draft a will that is proper for where you live. Many bookstores carry "Do it Yourself" books that will assist you in this process. There is also shareware on the net that will help you. If your situation is complicated and/or you just want to make sure (because you know that Aunt Hilda will make a fuss) have an attorney review what you've created and/or have an attorney draft the will for you.
Or, what if you're merely ill, incapacitated? Who do you want to have make medical decisions for you? Does your household need your paycheck? Do you have a document that dictates who makes those decisions or who can undertake business transactions (such as endorsing a check) on your behalf if you're not able to do so?
Even if your family wouldn't dispute the right of your chosen representative to undertake those responsibilities (and are you sure they wouldn't?) hospitals and banks are going to need something official to protect them for allowing somebody other than yourself to make those decisions and sign documents on your behalf.
Again, speak to an attorney and find out what forms or documents you need to sign to make sure that everything happens the way you want it to happen, and decisions are made by the person you want to have make those decisions.
Another big issue involves children, "Yours, mine and ours" - but that's too much to get into this week, so we'll take a look at that in the future.... until then....
In Pride,
Deborah
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