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Coming Out Stories Gallery - Ash

I suppose it was an episode of "One day at at Time" that really did it for me. There I am a young male ( we'll guess about 6 as I can't really remember just when it happened just that I was really young and already in school) and on this television show they are about to show a nude photography segment. I remember asking later (when it turned out they didn't show a thing of the guy not even his chest)" Why didn't they show the man mom?" THAT should have been my first clue. Looking back on it it really was. So it all began with " One Day at a Time". For the next 6 years I completely forgot about it and my feelings for other men. It wasn't until a day at school when my best friend told me that he was gay that I realized that I too was gay. What an earth shaker! Over the years my friend and I explored who we were both physically and emotionally. I fought with myself many times denying who I really was one day I was straight and just confused the next I was bisexual the next I was gay. I even rationalized it with the thiking that I was straight but I had somehow gone strange in the head and my desires had gotten split. I was physically attratcted to men while emotionally attracted to women. Little did I realize that I just hadn't met the right guy yet. My last year in Middle School was the year that I told my new best friend Emily. That I was gay. No big suprise to her. It was really refreshing to have sombody know at long last I could talk to her about boys. WOOHOO! After that first telling it became easier and easier to tell people. Then came the day that all of my friends knew it wasn't really even an issue. I was heaven. But I still hadn't told my parents. That was the tough one. I should mention here that in Elementary School and even to this day among my old school mates I am made fun of. This was a major point for my mother who at numerous points during my High School years asked me point blank if I thought I was gay. Of course in fear of my life I answered no. I really wasn't lying to my mother I KNEW I was gay not thought it. It was a few years down the line when my parent's had been taking me to this horrid church that spoke out openly against gays and women and Jews and just about anyting and everything under the sun that prompted the action. I hated that chuch and was really angry at my parents for draging me to it every Sunday. I made this painfully clear I would sit in church for an hour and scowl and grimice with my arms crossed. Everybody knew just how I felt. Body language speaks volumes I assure you. *wink* Anyhow one night when I was 17 and dating my first boyfriend my parents and I got into it really bad. We were arguing about that church. They kept demanding why I despised it so I couldn't really give them the real answer and the knew it. ( I suspect to this day that they had read my journal and knew of my secret life there were many clues of which I have not told you there are just too many). Finally out of sheer frustration and rage I looked them both straight in the eyes and said: " I am gay it's not a life style or choice it is who I am and it is the way I was born." Just that. They both looked at me my mother after a pause came and gave me a big hug and thanked me my step dad just looked at me his eyes saying thank you. That was it I was out. My mother asked me not to tell anyone else in the family she feared that it would tarnish my grandparents name. It was hard for me and still is. My parent's don't think that it is right they think it is an awful sin. We don't have a great relationship and we never talk about it. I know that they are hurt by the news and confused. But one day I hope we will cross that bridge and be able to talk about it. Right now I am 19 a full time student at the University of Northern Colorado and have a wonderful boyfriend of two months. I am happy with my life and aside from my family being gay is really a nonissue. I make no secret of it and am happier for it and more people seem to accept me for that. :)

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