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Coming Out Stories Gallery - Joy

I was 12 years old when I met Melissa. She was 20. We hung out, knocked over Taco signs(long story) , screamed at passerbys, went downtown, held parties, and generally were pains in the ass. We didn't share secrets or stories, but I remember the last time I saw her - she was walking out of my life forever. She said she was going to live with her boyfriend, move away, finish college, do whatever... she said we'd keep in touch. That was 5 years ago. I didn't know I loved her until a few years ago - how do you know that when you're 12? I can remember hugging her so hard, and complimenting her tastes in clothes and life and I tried to be her exact equal and her fashion child. The only thing I have to remember her is a picture and memories.

Since then, I've been outed to various people by an ex-girlfriend, and generally been "out" for 3 or 4 years. I'm 17 years old. My mother knows, my aunt (and her wife) know, my ex-girlfriend, all of my friends, and anyone who asks! The only thing that makes me able to tell anyone is that I know, in my heart, that it's real, and no matter what anyone says, I have dreams of a woman and her dog living in a beautiful house with me, and sharing the secrets I never shared with the girl I first loved.

I still thank Melissa in my heart even though we don't speak anymore.

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copyright 1986-2010 Deborah Levinson