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Coming Out Stories Gallery - Kati

I have always known that I wasn't like the other girls. I try to make sure I don't "fit in" and be my own person. I had thoughts about other girls when I was in the 5th grade. I thought it was just because I had so many friends that were girls. I thought that maybe I was just trying to be like my brothers because they were always talking about what they did with girls and what they did to a girl. I had always wondered what it would be like to make love with another woman. I thought it would be fun and exciting. I barely thought about it because of everything else in my life but I finally got locked up in a youth shelter in 98 and had more time to think and be around girls. I loved my time there because I could share a room with another girl and I could watch her. I always did. I thought it was normal. I was 16 and I thought this was normal. Ha normal to some but not most. The only gay/lesbian/bi people that I know were my dead cousin (he died of AIDS in 95) and then whatever I read in the paper. I didn't know anyone else that was anything other than straight. I got moved to an all girls group home on April 14, 1999. I was placed in a room with 1-3 other girls and this is where I finally came out about being Bi-sexual. At this place there were three other girls and then two that I question bout bein bi. I had my first girl girl kiss with a friend that I had made there and it was real weird because of the fact that I never really thought of this girl in that way before and it just sort of happend. I was scared at first and then as I got more comfortable I was able to enjoy it more. We had a room switch and so that didn't continue but then I got involved with another girl. It started with kissing and hand holding. Then we started touching and everything. It was weird at first but I liked it so it continued. Then the girl was able to go home so we had to quit. I wasn't with another girl after that. Then this other girl M told me that she had a crush on me and asked me out. I said yes. All that really happend during the first time that we were going out was that we held hands and told each other that we loved each other. But then it ended really badly. It hurt me emotionally but I didn't tell her this. We were friends again and all and then after awhile we started goin back out. This time it went more. Sure there wasn't the trust that there was once before. Not at first. But then we got closer and closer. We did more then started sneeking kisses, holding hand, having long talks into the night. It was like a "real" relationship. God it was great. We talked about what we would do if we ever had the chance to make love. Finally I regret to say but we ran together and became whores to survive. But finally we got to make love. It was so good. I think about it every day. I came out to my mother first and she was alright with it. I made her swear that she wouldn't tell my dad or write it in her journal. She said she wouldn't. A few days later I told her that it was alright that she tell my dad. I was scared of his reaction thats why I didn't want to tell him. I found out later that he was fine with it because my older but not oldest brother had come out to them a few weeks before I had to them. They were fine with it. I told my very best friend Sarah that I was bi and she like freaked out. I don't think she was ready for that one. It kind of made a problem in our friendship but we have it patched up and now we are best friends again. I told one of my ex-boyfriends over the internet and he wasn't sure how to react to it. But what he did after I told him was not right at all. He went around tell people that I was bi and some other shit. I found out that he did this by some poeple coming up to me at school and asking me if I was. It went around my school in rumors. But I'm used to rumors about me goin around. I told my oldest brother and he said that he already knew that I was bi because of how I act. I guess I was that ovious about it. One of the hardest and most trying time for me to tell some one that I am bi was to my current boyfriend and I was so scared that he would hate me because of the fact that I had lied to him when he acsked me earlier in the realtionship. It got to me and I had to tell him. He got angry, he got frustrated, he threw it in my face about bein bi. Tryin to say that I would play him for a girl. It's hard not to look and think about what I've done and what I still want to do. I think every day about different things but now I am at peace with myself about it when I am with him now that he knows. The biggest place that I hide being bisexual is at school because I don't know anyone else that is bi-sexual and I know that I would have even less friends then I already do I would get beaten up more and have to face the predudice of it. But as I sit here writing this I am starting to think about it more and what it would be like to be more open about my sexuality. I think I might just come out to some more people that I am around every day. Thanks for listening to me.

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