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Drop a note to Deborah at gaylesissues@rslevinson.com

copyright 1986-2010 Deborah Levinson

 

I was in 8th grade when I guess I "came out". I'd never before had any real inclination that I was attracted to women, so all the questions of "when did you realize..." were completely irrelevant. I had been friends with a girl named Angela. She was semi conservative with a bad girl streak in her. She grew up with a another girl named Rachel, whom I became friends with. One average day at school, Angela reintroduces me to Rachel, and Rachel's girlfriend. Now, consciously, I'm okay with this. I wasn't at all phased. Subconsciously however, I had NEVER REALLY BEEN UP CLOSE TO REAL LESBIANS BEFORE! So I was very naive at this point. Well, getting closer to the point of my coming out.... I am introduced to Rachel's girlfriend, Megan. Megan is about 5'10, 150 pounds, long, strawberry blonde hair with the most beautiful blue eyes I've ever looked into. I was stunned. She was gorgeous. Not feminine AT ALL, however, but still very OBVIOUSLY a girl. It was the strangest feeling I'd ever gotten from anyone. Well, after months of becoming very good friends, Megan asked me out. After an initial period of hesitation, I said yes. we had a rocky beginning that finally became a solid 8 months. I told my mom that I was dating a girl while we were at a movie theatre. My mom looked at me and said, "okay." and proceeded to eat the rest of her popcorn. I had a very welcoming and understanding family to come out to. I was 14 when I discovered all this, but came out initially as bisexual, figuring, yeah, that's safe and cool! Now, I'm an extremely older, wiser 17. I have learned a lot through many different people, about how I feel. I now feel that I am no longer bisexual. It is no longer a sensationalistic need I have, but an emotional release that I can't contain. I now feel that I am a lesbian. I like men, not sexually, not physically either. Emotionally, sometimes, but I still don't work on the same wavelength as they do. even with my grand support system, coming out again is a whole new task. Because this time, It's just strictly... hey I'm gay. hopefully, it'll still be "okay."