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Coming Out Stories Gallery - Paul

I think I had it a lot easier than most gay guys do. I knew I was gay since I was 6 and I was in my moms closet trying on her high heels. I think we all did at one stage or another. But when I started watching movies and paying more attention to the handsome, attractive actor instead of the beautifully, stunning actress, I knew something was up. All through school I thought that I was the only one......the only guy who was attracted to other guys. You didn't hear other kids talking about it, and if they were they were making fun of someone. Calling them names like "fag" or "sissy" or "queer". The funny thing is I was never called those names. No-one throughout my middle school or high school suspected me of being gay. I always had a girl friend, I played sports, did all the normal crazy things high school boys do. Hahaha....if they only knew.

My first experience was when I was 19, YES 19, and afterwards we dated for almost a year. His name was Dan and he was a year younger than me. He had had one previous relationship with a guy that lasted a couple of months but nothing serious. He was out to his parents so there was no pressure or secrecy on his part. As for me, my parents did not know, none of my family knew, and none of my friends knew. That was all about to change in the next couple of months.

Things started getting bad with me and my parents so I moved out with a few friends, Tammy and Priscilla. They were two girls that I worked with, both of which I found later out wanted to hook up with me, that needed a roommate. So I moved in and things were alright for the first month, then Tammy suugested that we go to Tracks one night. Tracks was a local gay club that was very openly.....GAY. At that point when she mentioned that, I pretty much knew she and Priscilla knew. How I didn't know but I figured they did. Well, at Tracks I met Dan and at first I didn't like him. I couldn't stand him to be honest. He seemed to be very egotistical and obnoxious......qualities I would later admire and even mock. We started dating and next thing you know, we are at Tracks 4 nights a week. Well Tammy and Priscilla get sick and tired of going to this gay bar and pretty soon its just me going to meet Dan and his friends. About a month later, Tammy and I get in a huge fight and I move all my stuff out in one day without telling anyone and move back home with my parents, which was where I lived before I moved in with them. So once I was back home and Tammy had a couple of days to think about things she calls my mom and tells her that I am gay and that I have been seeing this guy named Dan. Well, my mom didn't take well to hearing that over the phone and started going off on Tammy telling her she didn't know what in the hell she was talking about and that her son was straight. Later that day when I got home, she told me what had happened and asked me if what Tammy had said was true. She told me that she would love me no matter what my answer was because I was her son and she would love me unconditionally for the rest of my life. I lied and said it was not true....that Tammy was trying to get back at me for moving out.

About 4 months later, I was still living at home and Dan and I had become very close. I loved him very much and it was becoming harder and harder to hide what was going on and who I was. May 4th, 1997, I was in a bad car accident and I had to be taken by helicopter to the hospital. My car had been taken to an auto shop where my mom went 4 days later to go through it to find love notes Dan had written me along with cards, pictures and gifts. She waited to show it to me once I got home and asked me what it was all about. At first I didn't know what to say but what she said next shocked me. She thought that Dan was stalking me and wanted to know if I wanted him arrested. I almost started laughing but at the same time almost wanted to cry. I knew I couldn't go on with this lie forever so I went ahead and told her everything right there laid up in my bed. I told her that we had been dating for almost 5 months and that yes, I was gay. Tammy was right. She didn't cry, yell, scream, look disappointed or anything. She never has to this day. She has only told me she loves me every day she sees me and tells my boyfriend today of 1 year and 6 months the same. Dan and I didn't last but we are still good friends to this day. Sometimes I blame him for my "coming out"....but shouldn't I be thanking him? If it wasn't for being with him, I would have had to tell my parents without the help of them finding those things in my car, and I don't think I would have ever done that. So thank you Dan.....I'll always love you for that.

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