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Coming Out Stories Gallery - Raeann

I'm proud that I've come out to four people...including my husband. I hate labeling myself; I am ME, not a word. But everyone likes you to choose, don't they? Therefore, I guess that makes me fit under the label of "bisexual." I love PEOPLE, not a gender, if that makes any sense.

I have been married to a wonderful man for almost three years. He is my best friend, and we have been through so much together. We have had a lot of relationship problems. Recently, he started doing all the things that we talked about in terms of "working on" the relationship, but it's just not working for me. We haven't had sex in about 3/4 of a year; I just can't make myself be attracted to him. I love him, but something just doesn't seem there that should be.

In the past few years, I've had several intense crushes on other people, who were all women. All of a sudden, I'm looking at the women in the movies, at the female covers in the magazines, at the beautiful women who walk by...never the men. It was sort of suprising to me, as I had only dated, and been attracted to, men in the past. But it wasn't a big blow *psychologically* to me, if you know what I mean...b/c I've always been very liberal, feminist, gay-rights, etc. Mostly I was surprised and did some research to see if there were any others who didn't have these feelings until later in life. The about.com site was great for that. When I found this wasn't uncommon, I was OK. I think a catalyst for this process was a good friend of mine, who is lesbian. I'd never met anyone who was out as a lesbian...I'm sure I've met lesbians, but just didn't know it! Anyway, I was very curious to see how her relationship worked, and just to see that this was real and OK and she was happy. I know that sounds stupid for a fairly educated woman to not be able to feel something is real unless she sees it for herself, but there it is...

My biggest problem is being married...like I said, definitely in progress.

I told my sister, who tends to be very judgemental, that I had "strong feelings" for a female co worker. To my surprise, she was unbelievably supportive. She told me she had struggled with these feelings in the past herself, but had decided ultimately that she preferred men. I was certainly surprised, but pleased, at her response. It brought us a lot closer. She thinks my family will be OK with it, except that it will probably be looked at as a "phase" for a while. I've dated so many people they tend to think that my relationships are not really real. I told a gay friend of mine, and that was fine, too. My husband was very supportive, and I feel awful for putting him through this, but I'm doing the best I can. I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering what could have been but having chosen safety.

And recently I spoke to the woman I am attracted to about my feelings for her. She is, and will remain, a good FRIEND. Sigh.

All I know is...the connections I make with women, and the sexual feelings I have, are way more powerful than anything I've ever experienced before. The hardest thing will be making a choice regarding my marriage; after all, I was attracted to him once. We'll see. I'm taking things slow right now.

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