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Ms-HD Speaks

Dear Ms-HD,

My older sister was eaves dropping on the phone one day while i was having a homosexual conversation with a guy friend of mine (not an intimate one between the two of us) and she made a big act and told my mom and dad what i said and then they came storming in my room cussing and yelling at me then a few weeks ago my mother kicked me out of the house (she is really "Religious") i was allowed to come back though. She is always telling me that i don't need to be gay and that i have been taken over by a demon and that i will go to hell and that i choose to be gay and that i am gonna commit suicide and she is always on my case. She doesn't like it that i have gay friends and she has told me on many occasions to stop talking to some of my best friends. And she has told me to stop hanging out with gay people and maybe i would not be gay and she doesn't believe me when i tell her that i found out they were gay long after we became friends (which is true) i did not come out on my own accord but was planning to do so on my own and every time i am in the same room as her or my dad or my sisters (i have 3) they will just sit there and stare at me in disgust or ask me why i am not going out with some different girl they say at my school. This is really starting to tick me off i am eternally going to hate my sister for doing what she did and forcing me out like that i am bisexual but i will never tell my mom that she only thinks that i am going to go to hell and that i need to see a doctor or a psychiatrist (which she has offered to me several times) what should i do? (before i go freakin' insane)

~Rock


Ms-HD speaks:

Dear Rock,

Your mother would likely be surprised were she to send you to a shrink
out of the yellow pages, as it is well established that there is
nothing mentally ill about being gay or bisexual.   However, since
there are still some folks out there who believe that "gayness" can be
cured, I can't guarantee you that she would not go looking for one
like that, which would exacerbate the situation.

You don't say how old you are, or whether you are capable (or want to)
live on your own.  A couple references and resources that might help
with your mother, assuming she is willing to listen (and hopefully she
would be).

Take a look at the information in the Responses to Religious Arguments pages so
she can see that there is not one religious view of homosexuality, and
in fact most are aware that the passages most commonly used to say
that homosexuality is a "sin" are misunderstood by lay people who have
little knowledge of the original text, words, or even social mores of
the time that went into the writings.

The other thing you might do is contact a local PFLAG chapter (Parents
and Frlends of Lesbians and Gays) and have them send you their basic
pamphlets.  Those pamphlets are super for friends, family (and even
kids!) to help them understand, giving them answers to their basic
questions, and providing facts to alleviate their underlying fears.

Best of luck to you.  Hopefully the hard part is over and it will all
get better from here on out.



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