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Coming Out Stories Gallery - Ashley


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I have always been attracted to guys,from a very young age. I never really thought about being with girls,but I have always been very open-minded about sex in general. My best friend and I used to think it was funny-girls liking one another-and this bisexual friend of ours was convinced we were like this lesbian couple,so after trying to convince her we were both straight and her obvious disbelief,despite anything we said,we used to act like it-mostly to entertain ourselves,since she already thought that anyway.one night we decided to kiss(sort of as a joke)and neither one of us thought it would matter since we were so close.Maybe b/c I never really felt as close to a guy i kissed, b/c how can you ever really be as close to anyone as you are to your best friend?-maybe that was why I felt so much kissing her.Well,it progressed physically,with both of us trying to make excuses for our behavior until we had to stop it,b/c I still wanted to marry a guy one day and she was raised to believe that homosexuality is a sin and really wrong.But I could not imagine never feeling that much again and never being with her again-b/c the feeling was indescribable and so much more than I ever imagined anything could be.We talked about things a few months later and still wanted to kiss and everything-it had been driving both of us crazy-so it began again,with more honesty and I realized I was in love with her,but that we were not going to work out b/c I did not know if she felt the same way and if she did,she would never tell me-plus,I did not know if everything we were doing-if she would do it with someone else in a heartbeat.She has had more tendencies than I have had,but I think it scares her more b/c of it.So now we are trying to salvage our friendship and move on.I may be in the wrong place b/c I do not believe I will ever be with another girl,but I shocked myself by having the capacity to fall in love with one.I will never be sorry,though I have ruined my life b/c I do not believe I will be happy now with a man,knowing what I am missing.I am not really a lesbian,b/c I do not even notice other girls or really bi b/c though I want to be with her more than anything,I still have the dream of falling in love with the right guy and all that that means.I loved a guy first-my first love was a guy,but why do I feel like this will be my last?Thanks for reading this-I have only told two people so far and they know this is an issue of the person not her gender-it took a long time for me to admit I had fallen in love with her,b/c it seemed so strange.My parents would know,but unless I get to be with her there is no point in hurting them.I think one day I will tell them,maybe I will even get over her and move on.It is going to take time,and I hope I will not regret not being with her-though i would be ,if it was my choice.So basically,even straight girls can be pulled in if it is the right person-so don't ever judge anybody for who they love!
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