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Coming Out Stories Gallery - Mary Lou


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I had been married for 18 years was very much in love with my husband. I have two daughters who totally adored their father. One day, just out of the blue, he broke down in tears, this was very unlike him. I asked him why he was so upset, but there was no way in a million years that I expected to hear the reply, that he was gay, and had been leading a double life for many years, actually it was for nearly all of our married life. I was in shock, devastated, in a state of disbelief. For the next few days I was visibly traumatized. How could this be happening to me. It doesnt happen to me, it can happen to other people, but not me. The days that followed were agonizing as you can imagine. In time, and with counselling and help from a gay spouse support group, we learnt to come to terms with it and accept the reality of it all. This did not come without enormous pain. I loved my husband, and my daughters loved their father. It has been a painful process, but ! we have all survived it. He has a male partner now, who we accept as part of our family. I think the only bit of advice I can give to anyone coming out is - that no one can tell you when the right time to do it is, but the sooner you can, the better it will be for everyone. Deception is not a nice option for anyone, and nothing beats total honesty. So you need to come out in your own time and in your own way, and honesty has to be at the forefront when you decide to come out. Communicating with your spouse as honestly and openly as you can is the way to go. But no one can say how they will react, that will be an unknown event. For the spouse - my message to you is - it will be extremely hard for your husbands or wives to come out to you and your children (if you have children), it will be the hardest thing that they will ever have to do in their lives. You will go through all the mixed emotions as they will with their feelings of guilt etc. But if you are willing to l! isten, (once you have overcome the shock) and keep the channels of communications open, you will get through it. Im not saying it wont be painful. But you will survive it. It wont be easy to keep a lid on your anger when you first find out, this is a natural feeling. But this will go away in time, if you are both willing to listen and communicate with each other. Life is not wonderful for me and it hasnt been for a while, because I still love my husband, and I am finding it really hard to *move on*. But I have love and hope in my heart and belief in a God who loves everyone, so I know life will be wonderful again one day. My heart goes out to everyone who reads this, who is going through the same struggles as we did. I wish for you all - love in your heart for each other, when dealing with this difficult situation. If you wish to email me, please do so -
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