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Coming Out Stories Gallery - Nate


More Stories
I am seventeen years old and I know more about pain and internal turmoil than I would like. I used to think that I was alone and that something was wrong with me. I knew that to be truely happy I was going to have to start on a journey that would define me as a person.

I always knew I was different...I can't explain it. However, I don't think that it is meant to explain. It is just this feeling that lies deep within your gut. I am afraid many of you know what I am talking about. It is this feeling that makes us feel alienated at first...we try and deny it in hopes of adhering to a normal life. I started hearing more and more about gay people. Just uttering that three letter word brought out the worst in some people. I began to associate being gay as something that was wrong.

Then people started directing this word toward me. I was only in seventh grade and as I walked through the halls the word seemed to be following me. The word began to take on different shapes and forms. Gay soon became homo which soon begame faggot. As I lay in bed at night, I wondered... "what is wrong with me?..."

I now think I always knew deep down that I was gay. I think that I just denyed it for the sake of the people around me. I remember the day that I actually admited it to myself. I was in the shower and I just began to cry, tears and water ran down my face. Then, I just said it, "...I'm gay..." The phrase started out as more of a guestion and then it became an epiphany. I felt so much pain... I was so mad that I had to deal with this in my life. All I wanted was to be normal. I prayed every night. I asked God to send me some girl. A girl who I could love and that who would return my love.

I waited and waited...but she never came. That is when my prayer stared to change. I stoped praying for God to burn these feelings out of my and I started praying for him to help me find peace. I found peace in acceptance. The second I stopped worrying about what other people thought of me was the second I began my journey.

I am gay. I don't know why that shocks so many people. Some think that being gay is all about sex and it isn't. It is who we are. It defines us. It is about endurance. It is about pain. It is about acceptance. It is about love. I wish everyone could see this.

Some people live their lives and they never know who they are but I know this: every morning we open our eyes and see the light. It is up to us to decide whether to go the rest of the day with our eyes and minds truly open, or to wonder aimlessly with our eyes open and our minds closed.


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