All Things Queer
coverage, commentary & community
for people with brains *and* an attitude!


Bookmark and Share  

 Join the Facebook Group


All News
Coming Out Stories
Gays for God
Ask an Expert
Know Thine Enemies
Fun and Games
Election 2008
Historical Calendar



Coming Out Stories Gallery - Tim L.

More Stories
I've always known I am gay. I found more inteterest in my sisters toys than the army men and tanks. I never acted on my feelings because I was unbelievably afraid until I was around 21 years old. I had come home from college for a St. Patricks day party and had become quite intoxicated, hence I was more than willing to satisfy my urges. I woke up the next day hating myself, thinking cruel and self-destructive thoughts. I was thrown into deeper denial. The closet became even darker. I began drinking more and college was a great place to fulfill my need for masking my true emotions. I had grown up in a very strict Irish Catholic home and heard all the rhetoric of gays and homosexuals and the eternal existence in hell. I found sex in secret places, telling myself I could control what I felt. I almost got married but thank god everyday I didn't.

Before I could come out of the closet my brother beat me to it. Telling my parents and myself. I was so angry at him, i thought, "what are mom and dad going to do? they can't have two gay sons??" But I was cracking. My drinking was getting worse. I was looking for sex all the time but thankfully too afraid to follow through. I hated myself, despised my emotions and felt I never would experience love. Once I confronted my demons I said, "I'm gay" three weeks later I attempted suicide. I became intoxicated and felt unloved. So I drove my car on a major highway and wrecked. I still can't believe I wasn't hurt, nor anyone else. I even drove home that night only to confess to my brother and family later of my attempt. The worse part is I did it on Christmas day 1997. I'll never forget that, here's your chrismas gift mom and dad and by the way, "I'm gay and attempted suicide". God what a hellish gift to give!! My friends have had mixed reactions. One won't speak to me, another came out himself which has made all the difference to me.

I have been in a remarkable relationship now for almost three years. We have had many trials and obstacles to surpass. Sometimes I still fall back into my negative perception of myself thinking of self-destructive behaviors. But my partner is kind, compassionate and loving to me, more so than i am to myself. What I have learned is it is extremely difficult being human. The emotions are hard, painful and wonderous, sometimes they are felt at the same time. But I would never change the events that have unfolded, they are me and they make up the challenge of my life and the dream I still hold true to.

That I am here for a purpose, my life and love are here to be known. I just still need help finding the strength to follow through and I thank god my partner has been so patient with me, even though our lives are complicated. I hope one day to be married in a catholic church with my family and friends seeing me love my man. My family has come a long way, they are remarkably supportive and loving. Even my father is doing better, not great but he like me is a work in progress!!

Skip To> All Stories | Men's Stories | Women's Stories | Youth Stories | Young Adult Stories | Later in Life Stories | The Spouses | Trans* Or Add your story now


Contribute to G/L Issues

to help with our expenses



Get Chitika | Premium



Join the Gay/Lesbian Issues mailing list  



Powered by YourMailinglistProvider.com



Questions? Comments? Submissions?
Drop a note to Deborah at gaylesissues@rslevinson.com

copyright 1986-2010 Deborah Levinson