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Coming Out Stories Gallery - Zaphiod


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I am still married at this time well sort of not if we can forget that piece of paper.

I was becoming more and more verbally abusive to my wife, not swearing or any kind of words against her, what I would say is things like why would I touch you,I want out ETC..ETC>> this last time about 6 weeks ago about mid October 2000 was the last straw.

I had an excuse for all of it or should I say fabricated excuse.

Anyway she was really hurt and this hurt me also we started sleeping in different rooms.After about what seems to be continual talking and a lot of soul searching.I came to an understanding what was wrong."I have been punishing myself for all the abuse I had in my life I was using this to run my life by,I could not be happy if I was then I would blow up or break something. You see I was not and would not allow myself to be happy.

I started sleeping alone and slept better but the constant talks kept happening,untill my wife said why don't you deal with your sexuality.

She had known I was gay even before we married 7-1/2 year ago

She actually married me for that reason,you see she came from an abusive family life then an abusive marriage "she thought I would be safe" This of course lasted for a while but then neither one of us seemed to be getting pleased.

About 2-1/2 years ago my mother died my whole life as a child hit me in the face.I sought psychiatric help-but to no avail.I had torn the page from the journal I wrote that mentioned gay issues, I still was not ready to admit this.

I still needed to prove I was stright and stay married where it was safe.

Anyway to get back to the sexuality issues We discovered there was only 1 woman that I found attractive which was her and 5 men, 2 recently. She fell out of love with me years ago,sex had become mechanical,done just to please me hoping to keep the abuse to a minimum.

As I said I sleep alone now and sleeping better, sex with her as become unnecessary I don't miss it. I am still not sure of a relationship with a man but I know I don't want one with a woman. We are now the best of friends even to the point where I look at as a sister.I have had mental pictures about her nakedness this pictures are very disturbing almost incestuous.I have to get these pictures out of my head. My wife has been the best help to me along with a local gay help line.

We have told our children who seem to be handling it okay. We have told our closest friends who are very supportive but concerned for our happiness. As this has only been several weeks since I have come out I have no relationship with anyone yet. but plan on attending a coming out discussion group. I have been out for coffee with the volunteer from the help line (I didn't believe there could be a gay friendly coffee bar)let alone the need for one. My wife is a better person now she has come out of herself not having to succumb to my whims.she is alive now with more confidence and has even felt love for the first time in her life (of course not with me) I myself am a much happier and confident person now that I am coming to understand who I am and who I have always been.

I am on an adventure into a new found world.

My friend(wife) and I will continue living in the house we are buying,untill it become necessary for separation,even then we will remain closest friends. I know not what is ahead of me,maybe you don't either, but just think about what we are heading from a life in which is full of self- decent,self evaluation, and betrayed happiness.

Good luck to you, good journeys ahead.


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